Panging for 1 more Go-A-Round

Today woke with a smile and I was confused.

I miss someone who is gone. Whenever I saw her my spirit was filled with smiles. Even at the end, she managed to make those around her spirit smile. You saw the pain but you vision-felt the smile that filled the space around her and everything around her. Her love filled in the edges and there were no edges defined.

Everyone seems to have it so together. I chide myself for inner weakness but I know that basically I am OK and I accept that. 

Even this weekend I wanted to be just a little more funky. I wanted some time back. I was surrounded by youth and love. But I was there because of every moment that had brought me to that point. I felt all that I felt because I had been down my dark alleys and stood up on my mountains. I wouldn't have been there then, if it had not all pointed to that collection of moments.

But there was a pang for one more go around.

I suppose we all get that.

I was lucky to know her for much of my life. Even at her end, it almost seemed that she knew that it was not her end. She knew this was just a stop along the way. If love is perfection, she reached towards it everyday, every moment she existed with us. Today there are few fairytales and I understand and that is OK. I am not done and I will get another shot.

Today I woke with a smile and I drank my coffee and the exit door didn't seem so bad. It just leads to the next room and I wonder what I can bring.

Pavement...Pavement is funny and it is hard to believe even Pavement can be a punchline.(* see below)

Hugs from the desert

*Below

One day a good man talks to God, Eventually he asks God if he could be allowed to bring one thing into Heaven as a memory of this life. God, in a good mood, agrees to allow the Good Man this wish.

The Good Man dies. 

As he is buried, his remaining friends slide his final request into his coffin: a box of gold bars.

When the Good Man reaches the Pearly Gates, St. Peter says "Sorry, you can't bring anything from your life on Earth. The Good Man explains that he has received special permission from God to bring something with him as he passed from life and into Heaven.

St. Peter says to wait for a minute so he can call and confirm with God that the special permission was given. St. Peter returns and allows the Good Man and his box of gold bars into Heaven.

As he passes, a confused St. Peter shakes his head and mutters to himself "Why would the Good Man want to bring Pavement to Heaven?"

Pavement.